There are a many of things i do when i do nothing. I really think about my whole life or play some Call of duty. These two things can keep me from doing nothing for hours or even sometimes days.
Yesterday was November 8th, 2011. I remember standing in the blistering cold waiting and waiting for the greatest game in the world, Call of Duty Modern Warfare 3. I remember doing the same thing last year for COD black ops. It was the same but much more colder. Plus i was sitting next to this guy named chance. i sat with him last year as well.
Me and Chance are having are talk about how COD modern warfare 3 is going to be so much better than all the other Call of Duty's combined. "Dion dont you agree each year Call of duty has improved in every aspect as a game?," said chance. I said with no doubt, "acourse i do." Trying so hard not to think about the time so the time will fly by. But the fact that's it's freezing outside doesn't help at all. Cold to where we could see are breath.
I also think a lot because i like to see how my life has been and how i can improve it. I just think why god took away him from me? He was my dad, the guy i always would have looked up to. Well i wouldn't really know since i was only 3 and don't remember anything about him. I think why do i always make stupid mistakes in my life? I hate how i know that i treat my family like crap and get attached to girls too quick.
yeah, yeah that's what i do when i do nothing.
It think that you began with a anecdote. I feel that you could have had alot more detail. You sort of bounced around alot. I didn't really notice a claim or an anecdote at the end. Overall great job :)
ReplyDeletei agree with kelsey you should begin and end with an anecdote, the "why" or cliam of the story was unclear. it was an interesting topic thoughh[:
ReplyDeleteso i feel that you bounced between ideas alot in this piece. Hopping between actions while waiting in line then smash cutting to your father. I felt that you could have gone deeper with details and why you feel as you feel abd not just ask questions on how you feel.
ReplyDeleteGood anecdote! An improvement would be to expand your nothing by using details.
ReplyDeleteI liked how you began, how you said you think seriously about your life and then contrasted that with playing Call of Duty.
ReplyDeleteI just think this has so much more potential. You had a short paragraph about standing in line waiting for Modern Warfare and then jump to a paragraph about losing your dad. I think this could have been constructed better. Maybe instead of directly telling us "this is what I do when I do nothing" you could start out with the anecdote of standing in the line, and while you're standing there killing time you begin to think over your life. It would help tie together the topics so much better.